Breaking The ICE

Breaking the ICE: How to Thaw Frozen Communication

By Forrest C. Greenslade, Ph.D.

From The Simple-Minded Manager, Cutting Through Your Work-Life Chaos

Three factors chill and solidify to produce formidable barriers.

I RECENTLY MET with a group of friends and colleagues who get together to improve our verbal communication skills. I posed a question, "What are the greatest barriers to communication"? I added that I was interested in communications in a broad sense, including person-to-person interactions, as well as public speaking. Quite a few communication-blockers were offered: fear, poor understanding of information, poor listening, preoccupation with self, lack of respect for other's opinions, avoiding feed back on our ideas, and a variety of emotions. When I attempted to summarize these and other factors that freeze communication, three words emerged:

Intimidation
Closed-mindedness
Evasiveness

These three factors, ICE, chill and solidify to produce formidable barriers to speaking listening and thinking in more productive ways. I asked my colleagues to work in three groups for a brief exercise. Each group discussed ways to avoid one of the elements of ICE. After 10-15 minutes, one person from each group presented five actions that we can take to break through Intimidation, Closed-mindedness and Evasiveness. Here is their insight.

How to break the ICE:

Overcome Intimidation:

Be direct -- State clearly what you want the other person to understand or do.
Re-direct -- Re-state opposing positions from your perspective and to your benefit.
Be friendly -- Return even the chilliest reception with warmth.
Use humor -- Disarm other's defenses with a laugh.
Be self-confident -- You have nothing to fear but you know what!

Avoid Closed-mindedness:

Be kind -- Your respect and concern for others will open minds.
Ask questions -- Seek others' perspective and really listen to their views.
Mirror the other person -- Sense what is important or what concerns others, and reflect you own interest and concern.
Find common bonds -- Rather than focusing on polar positions, start with shared values.
Make friends -- Friends open each other's minds more effectively than do foes.

Confront Evasiveness:

Take the initiative -- You are the best person to express your point of view.
Be truthful -- Facts are difficult to evade.
Stay focused -- It is hard to evade a persistent point.
Practice active listening -- Seek out what the person perceives and feels.
Be sincere -- Your interest in two-way communication will induce trust.

The phrase "Breaking the ice" is used all the time to describe conquering the discomfort we experience with first interactions with strangers. I asked our group if anyone knew the origin of this phrase. One member said that it derived from icebreaker ships used to open frozen shipping channels. Icebreakers prepared the way for other ships and ensured open transportation. He noted that references to breaking the ice in relation to communication dates back to the 1600s.

We need this same help in preparing the way today, despite all of our advances in information technology. As a matter of fact, the way in which information (or misinformation) is transmitted globally in seconds makes it more important than ever to break the ICE. It is more important than ever to clear away Intimidation, Closed-mindedness and Evasiveness to ensure open communication.

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